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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219179">monochrome (projecting)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyredpies532/pseuds/tinyredpies532'>tinyredpies532</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>projecting.docx [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Gen, Potentially Triggering Topics, projecting.docx, will add character tags as they appear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:48:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyredpies532/pseuds/tinyredpies532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>17 doesn't feel different. she almost didn't want it. almost made sure she didn't reach it.</p><p>she's glad she found a will to stay, however.</p><p> </p><p>in which Yeojin attempts to grasp the inner workings of her mind, her life and how it's affected her thus far</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>projecting.docx [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2080419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. orange</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>In which I project my issues and insecurities into Yeojin’s character for me to think about, while quite possibly, simultaneously also projecting how much I love her through the others’ characters :D</p><p>Basically brought on by the painful lack of Yeo-centric fics, and my undying love for one (1) Im Yeojin. most of the inspo for this is based on personal experiences c:</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yeojin spaces out as she plops the remaining pieces of orange in her mouth, placing the last bit of fiber that she peeled out carefully on the meticulously stacked peels on the table. </p><p>She had skillfully moved the knife around to cut the peel cleanly off the fruit earlier, placing the zest one on top of the other to make a little tower. Not that it matters, she was going to throw them out anyway.</p><p>She chews slowly, savoring the tang of the citrus and relishes the taste. She hadn’t realized that she just ate and ate the fruit until she was on her last, only slightly regretting that she hadn’t appreciated it enough.</p><p>She picks at the fallen little fibers, collecting them to place on the stack, before scooping them up completely in her dainty hands with the intent to throw them into the trash. </p><p>
  <i>Trash, huh. That effort, and for what?</i>
</p><p>She pondered the potential uses of the cleanly cut peels for a second, maybe twist it up and use it as a garnish on an alcoholic concoction, or squeeze and chop to add into a baked goodie or something. The thoughts in her mind scream wasted, wasted, wasted.</p><p>She puts it in the trash anyway.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. lazy day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a glimpse of one of the many <s>lonely</s> lazy days Yeojin spends by herself</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>10:01 AM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The house is peaceful and quiet as rain pours gently outside. Yeojin makes her way downstairs to an empty home, her parents having already left hours prior to her wake.</p>
<p>Yeojin walks into the kitchen, breakfast on the table with no traces of any dirty dishes on the sink. Any utensils and equipment possibly used have been cleaned and stored as if they weren’t touched in the first place. She takes one good look at the meal left by her parents before grabbing her mug to fix herself an oatmeal instead.</p>
<p>
  <em>I like my eggs a little runny… and I never liked hotdogs.</em>
</p>
<p>Yeojin heats water up and sits as she waits, watching the slight shower. So many things she could’ve been doing at that moment, but she opts not to.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s a lazy weather. I can afford to laze around a bit.</em>
</p>
<p>The water boils. She pours the water until about 5/7 of the way and puts the kettle back. She mixes the oatmeal, eyes following the movement of the spoon inside the mug before she ultimately gets bored and fixes her sight outside again. The rain is still pouring.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yeah, I can laze around a bit.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>10:52 AM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The TV drones with static. Yeojin shuts the device off. She opened it in hopes of filling the deafening silence and emptiness inside her house. It barely felt like home in all its bareness.</p>
<p>
  <em> The rain probably messed up the cable. </em>
</p>
<p>That’s okay. She didn’t like the channels available anyway. She didn’t like watching TV as much either.</p>
<p>She didn’t like much things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>12:43 PM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeojin stirs the onions in the pan and mixes the vegetables together. She had cut up the hotdogs and eggs from breakfast to put into the rice.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s easier to stomach this way. </em>
</p>
<p>Her mind wanders to her parents as she fries the meat. She says a silent prayer of protection for them before focusing her attention back to her cooking.</p>
<p>She turns the stove off and fixes herself a bowl before placing the rest in a sealed glass bowl.</p>
<p>
  <em>They’ll probably get back home late. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> <b>Again. </b> </em>
</p>
<p>It’s okay. She was used to it anyway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>1:42 PM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeojin pulls her blanket over herself. It’s a lazy afternoon. She can sleep in.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em><strike>it's lonely</strike>...</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeojin’s phone buzzes thrice.</p>
<p><b>Yerimmie &lt;3 3:15 PM</b><br/>
hey Yeojin :D<br/>
are you busy??<br/>
I’ll text you again later :&gt;</p>
<p>
  <em>3:16 PM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>4:08 PM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><b>Yerimmie &lt;3 4:08 PM</b><br/>
Yeo?<br/>
Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? :c<br/>
oh, lol! Maybe you’re sleeping again :p<br/>
sleep well if you are, yeojinnie.<br/>
It’s been cold today, so I hope you’re warm :&gt;<br/>
I love you &lt;3</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>--</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>7:27 PM</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeojin is bundled up in blankets, ways deep in dreamland when her parents come home. They decided to let their daughter sleep for longer. Her mom places a slice of her favorite orange tart in a container by her bedside table, and her dad switches her night lamp on. They both kiss her goodnight as they leave, switching off the lights of her room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>with all my heart, I hope y'all have friends like Yerim too c':</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. tired</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>yeojin is tired.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw: thoughts of suicide </p><p>!! please read with caution !!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em>it’s loud today. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Yeojin puts her head in her hands as the ringing in her ears relentlessly sounds. She massages her scalp as a faint, throbbing pain starts to make itself apparent.</p><p> </p><p>Her laptop stares open at her from their study table, the unfinished essay hanging on the screen. The keys of her mother’s laptop clicks away from across her, a bitter reminder of the very thing she couldn’t bring herself to do. She hates it. She hates<em> this.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>it sucks. I hate it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She doesn’t understand. She used to be so good at writing. Even competed and won in essay writing contests, several times in the past.</p><p> </p><p>It used to be as easy as breathing, weaving words into paragraphs, but now it feels as though a hundred thorns are clogging up her throat. The sharp sensations piercing as it is closes up; she can barely get another word out.</p><p>
  
</p><p>She looks hopelessly at her unfinished work, the measly forty-plus words pathetically far from the thousand-word requirement.</p><p> </p><p>Her chest tightens. The pain in her head is pounding, now. She heaves a breath.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I hate it, I hate it, I <strong>hate</strong> it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Stupid teacher with his stupid requirements.” She mumbles. The stupid migraine isn’t helping.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeojin…”</p><p> </p><p>She almost doesn’t hear her mother calling her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeojin…” she hears. Louder, this time.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, the day her parents chose to be around is the day she doesn’t have time for them. (It also chooses to be the day a big chunk of her dam breaks away.)</p><p> </p><p>She deliberately ignores the call.</p><p> </p><p>Her irritation grows further the longer she stares at the screen. The word document mocks her, reminding her of how bad she’s gotten. How helpless she is at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>She slams a fist on her table.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn this bullsh-“</p><p> </p><p>“Yeojin!”</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!”</p><p> </p><p>The ringing in her ear gets louder.</p><p> </p><p>Her mother is now standing, looking at her in disbelief. “What is wrong with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head pounds. Yeojin huffs and doesn’t answer. She had to get out. She grabs her laptop and moves out to get to her own room, accidentally brushing past her mom on the way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“IM YEOJIN!”</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She didn’t mean to do that.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yeojin’s hands shake as she puts her laptop down in her room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“I SAID NOW!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She slowly makes her way out and back from where she came from.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Her mother’s voice is loud, sharp and scathing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HUH? WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? I CAME HERE TO WORK WHICH I DO FOR YOU AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO? WHAT THE HELL?!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The ringing gets impossibly louder. There’s wrecking balls crashing through her head now.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t feel like herself anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She can’t feel her being.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>maybe, </em>she thinks.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>maybe it would be better if I don’t…</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yeojin sits in her room, eyes red, all cried out, frustrated and so, <em>so tired.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>She knows her mom didn’t mean all she said when she chewed her out earlier.</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t mean to hurt her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>She swears, she loves her parents, she really does.</p><p> </p><p>Just sometimes…</p><p> </p><p>They make it so hard to love them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>But it’s only right, </em>she thinks. <em>I make it so hard to love me, too.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I’m just so tired.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>She’s sure they are, too.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I’m so tired.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe it would be better if she wasn’t here.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m tired.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>irregular updates, I also don't know how long this will be... we'll see how it goes. please read with caution :c there won't be a lot, but I'll put warnings on later chapters that will tackle potentially triggering topics</p></blockquote></div></div>
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